Bonnie J Martin

Archives for February 2024

Holy Presence

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Charles Martin said it in “It Is Finished.” On Day 9, at the end of his prayer. “Please take me to Him.”

Yes, please. No other place I would rather be. But wait. I am not ready. I need to take a shower. I need to brush my teeth. Let me put on clean clothes. I need to dust my shoes off. No, I need to be barefoot before my Creator. Holy Ground. But wait, again! My feet are rough. And those words I spoke yesterday are still fresh on my tongue and are not honoring to the Most High. Let’s not even consider the thoughts I allow to run rampant through my heart, unguarded.

He sees it all. Was there in the moment of those spoken words. Resides in the core of that heart and knows the thoughts that bombard it. No amount of showering can scrub the filth off me.

Even then, He desires my presence.

Am I willing to be in His presence?

You see, I have this issue. I am not worthy to be in the presence of the King of Kings. And I am not good enough. No amount of good from me is good enough for Him. I can’t do anything to clean up my act enough to earn the honor of His presence. Nothing I do will ever be sufficient, except one thing.

Lay it all down. Look to the Cross of Christ and know that He takes all my not-good-enough and destroys it. Obliterates it. Complete annihilation of sin. I can’t do it. He can and will and does. His goodness is sufficient in my place. His action perfects the position I have before the Most High. My presence in His presence.

I am willing.

Claiming the Cross completed my conversion. Ushered me from death to life. Dead to sin and living in the grace and mercy of Christ.

I echo the prayer of Martin. “Please take me to Him.”

50/50 Shot

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I don’t know why, when created-being serpent was formed, he was allowed to wreak havoc in Eden. He didn’t get to choose the forbidden for us. He didn’t have a say in the choice that was made. He made an offer and we chose. He lied. He spoke against the very thing the Creator had warned against.

Heart racing, knowing the situation was going against the very thing we were told to avoid. Don’t do it. It will not have the consequences you expect. The consequences will be harsh. You will have to live with them for the rest of your life. One wrong choice will bring a lifetime of heartache. Blood rushing through her ears as she reached up from all the beauty and goodness God had placed in and around her and she touched darkness. She felt it and saw it and smelled it and tasted it, hearing the lies and ignoring the cry of God.

God saw it happening. He had given her free-reign to go and do whatever her heart desired. Run free. Uninhibited. No fear. No hiding. The ability to choose whatever was pleasing to her. And in that moment she chose to turn away from God. In that moment, she died to the lavishing love of her Creator.

Afraid and naked, hiding in the trees from the One who sees and knows everything, heart still racing, the consequences begin. Separation from Creator. Attempting to hide shame from the very One who told you not to do it.

We chose the forbidden over the best. Decided to take the offering, believing the lies from someone other than the One who has always provided the best options, extravagant abundance, unending grace, ceaseless mercy.

With all the love that has and will ever exist, God, looked and created and breathed life into us, into you, into me, into Adam and Eve, and decided to let us decide. Free-will. The choice to choose. Desiring relationship, perfect fellowship, dwelling in perfect harmony, united, He desired us. Wanted us to choose Him.

He offered Adam and Eve the perfect home. He lavished them with luxury. They had everything furnished for them. No striving. No struggles. No disease. No tight joints. No skin conditions. The perfect temp all the time. The most comfortable place ever.

But they thought He was holding something back from them. And He was. Death and separation. He held back the hurting and disease. He kept them from struggles. Until they wanted more than His perfect provision.

And they chose the dangling fruit touted to give wisdom. Despite their perfect position as benefactors of the Most High, they chose the path leading to strife and struggle.

Two choices. You have a 50/50 shot. Go right or go left. Go up or go down. Choose good or bad. Want the perfect temp or burning hot? Choose eternal peace or eternal turmoil. Choose fellowship or division. Choose oneness or separation. Grace or enmity. Mercy or justice.

And our choice now is no different than Eve’s. No different than Adam’s. Choose the low road where the slithering serpent slips into darkness and entices us to follow with promises of pleasure and prosperity that will lead to ruin.

Or, instead, choose the Way. He brings peace. Fellowship. Freedom. Grace. Mercy. Sanctification. Salvation. Eternal life, not eternal death. Atonement from the dividing, separating choices we make. Still desiring perfect fellowship with His creation, He gave the solution to the separation. He bridged the gap and gave a Way back from the fall.

But it is our choice. He won’t force us to choose Jesus. He lovingly holds out His hand and offers to pull us up out of the mud and muck. He offers cleansing better than any exfoliator on the market. Robes whiter than your grandmother’s sheets. He offers the fellowship that we turn away from in sin. He covers our sin with the blood of Jesus. Placing on Him every sin that has ever and will ever be confessed.

Our choice.

Humility vs Arrogance

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I make mistakes. Who wants to admit to that? It seems I make many. Not always intentional. Some from lack of self-control or disobedience. Some from ignorance. Some just blatantly ridiculous, I am left wondering how that just happened.

I discovered one this week that had been hidden in plain sight. My mind immediately wanted to blame someone else. I even searched through to find where someone else may have made the error. Surely it wasn’t me. And even if it wasn’t me, how would I let others that needed the correct version of the work know about the mistake. 

First things first, the error had to be corrected. That in itself was a chore! It took time to go back and research some events from years ago. Once done, it made a significant change. The inner wrestle of when and how to share the correction.

I felt nauseous. My head hurt. I wanted so badly to run and hide. I didn’t want to admit this mistake. I felt stupid. Embarrassed. Unworthy of having a position of trust.

Then an oversight is brought to my attention. Just kick me when I am low. The work had been done but the follow-up fell short. Again, the wrestle with how to address. 

Shaking my hurting head at this point.

Just do it.

Just right the wrong and move on.

My wrongs accumulate in my mind, even when corrected, and become reminders of my imperfection. I wear them as badges of defeat, not honor. I hold on to them tightly. They are mounded high and wide around me. Me in the center, desperately trying to tunnel my way out.

You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE. 1 Peter 5:5 NASB

Proud me didn’t want to admit anything wrong. But holding on to the wrong hurt more that admitting the mistake. Will others forgive it and move on or hold on to it and let it influence the perception of me? Not mine to decide if I have righted the wrong.

Thankful that some mistakes can be corrected. Thankful that even if other people won’t forgive, God will. Thankful for the grace He gives to me. Thankful He allows me to find that tunnel out from under all my wrongs and brings me to the foot of the cross. Thankful for the relief from the burden of mistakes through confession and correction and placing my feet on the rock.

In His Image

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God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Genesis 1:27 (NASB)

Look around you. If anyone else is within view, look at them. Don’t just glance and then turn your eyes quickly, afraid they may see you staring. Look at them. 

Study their face. 

Notice the depth of their eyes. Are they crowned with thin or thick brows? Are the lashes curled up reaching to those brows or are they swept out waving to the world? What color are those eyes? Are they shaped like almonds? Can you get lost in them or do they make you want to look away? How much space is between the brows and the hairline above? Maybe there is no hairline. Is the skin above and between the brows smooth or do you see lines?

Look at the nose and cheeks. Is the nose long or short? Thick or thin? Nostrils elongated or round? Do the cheeks push into the nose creating seams or is the transition smooth and seamless? Are the cheeks round or sharp? High or low? Do they extend wide to the ears or are they narrow on a small face? Is there a hollow space just below the cheekbone? If the person you are observing is a baby, do they make you want to touch them?

Observe the lips. Pouty? Sad? Smiling? Pleased? Serious? Stressed? Opened or closed? Thin slivers parting the mouth or full? Do they sit upon a dimpled chin? Are there two peaks on the top lip?

What else did you notice? Maybe the ears? Or the hair? Or no hair? What about the color? Was it a rich, deep shade or more pale?

There is more to notice. Not just the physical. But to look that closely may be awkward. 

Do it anyway.

What do you see? No, I don’t want you to go engage in a conversation. Unless, of course, it is too late. And if you do tread lightly. Let them know you were observing the features of their face. Behold the creation God made in His image.

If there is no conversation, consider under the skin, behind the eyes, breathed deep in through the nose, spoken into existence, is a creation, formed by God, in the most secret place. This creation has mind, heart, soul, and body. This creation has known happiness and hurt. Does one show more than the other?

Allow your heart to soften for them. Direct your thoughts to pray for them. 

If you know them and they have hurt you, will you forgive them? Can you look at them as a creation of God, formed in His image, and consider the gift He has given you in Christ, and seek the very same gift for them?

Me and my girl.