bonniejmartin

It is sad.  This chair I am sitting in.  It has some pretty ugly scars.  It is still incredibly comfortable.  I can prop my feet up on the ottoman or pull my legs up in the chair with me.  It is even big enough for me to lay on my side and catch a short nap.

At one time the fabric was my favorite.  I still enjoy the colors.  I still enjoy having this chair.  But it is unsightly now.  I am not really sure if the quality of the fabric was not durable enough for the beatings we have given it or if our beatings have just been too hard.  Either way, there are some holes.

Those holes started as a fading of the color.  Then one thread snapped and gave way to a small hole.  Then that small hole was picked at and sat on and wiggled in and became a bigger hole.  A rip in the fabric.  An irreparable gash in the covering of this chair.  This hole cannot be sewn back together.

The only thing that will fix this chair is to remove the old covering and replace it.  Some might even say the whole chair needs to go.  Just depends on the perspective of the beholder.  Depends on the relationship of the sitter to the chair.

Isn’t this old chair a little like me?  Thread bare in places and gashed wounds bleeding stuffing in other places.  Cuts run deep enough that there needs to be an overhaul in the fabric.  But just how much am I willing to pay to refinish this old chair?  Is it worth it to me to refinish it or do I need a fresh start?

I think we all find ourselves in places in life where we have to look around and see what needs to be refinished.  Evaluate ourselves from different angles and determine what needs happen moving forward.  Looking back will only help so much.  It may keep me from making the same mistakes again.  But I don’t want to return to something of low quality that will leave me desiring better.

The good thing about this old chair is that it reminds me this world is temporary.  No matter what I purchase, it will not last forever.  No amount of money can purchase a man-made object that will last forever.

So, in my quest for long-lasting durability, I shift my eyes up.  Realizing I may have to raise the bar a little more in order to know excellence.  I won’t settle for mediocrity.  I won’t compromise on quality.

And if you think I am just talking about furniture, you are wrong.

Because the fabric of my life is not just this ragged chair.  The fabric of my life is the love of my Savior.  The essence of His Spirit moving and shaking and holding me.  The people He brings into my life that gives me different perspectives.  He helps me see beyond myself.  He provides me a good comfortable seat in this theater of life.

Sometimes the seat can get a little hard to sit in.  But it isn’t because He has changed.  It isn’t because He has left me.  It might just be because I took my eyes off Him.  Some obstacle may have grabbed my attention and caused me to have temporary blindness.

So, I am asking Him to return my vision.  To clean the wounds of my gashes and forgive my wandering heart.  To bind up that which is torn.  To make quality repairs that will last for eternity.

She has always seen me differently than I see myself. She looks through eyes of love and forgives my imperfections. She knows they are there but doesn’t get bogged down in the trivial.

Her hugs are all encompassing. She wraps her long arms around me and doesn’t hold anything back. She isn’t shy about displaying how she feels. She has hugged me all my life.

There is a picture of her and me. I was just a baby. They had put a wig on my head that made me look like a little Native American with long dark braids. But I was just a chunky little baby being held by someone that already loved me dearly.

She finds beauty everywhere. She carries a camera and points. The results are precious memories. Memories captured by the eye of the beholder. Always seeking beauty from the Creator. Perhaps because she is beautiful. Living in beauty.

And now she finds herself in a battle. That disease that requires treatments that can be tormenting. And she knows about that torment because she has watched loved ones in similar battles. But she isn’t scared. She is fearless.

You see, she is a warrior princess. And she has a promise. She lives right smack in the middle of that promise. A promise so sure that nothing can destroy it. Her armor is divinely appointed. Anointed.

She knows the battle she faces is not her own. The battle she faces has already been won. She already knows victory. She will take this journey and let her Author write the chapter. And He will hold her hand every step of the way.

And on the other side of the battle she will have a testimony. It will be known. There will be a crowd of witnesses beholding the race she runs and they will see grace and mercy and peace. The Giver of these things has an endless supply and provides abundantly beyond anything we can imagine.

Haven’t I been guilty of the very same thing?  Singling out those that may disagree with me and knowing they oppose my thoughts.  It doesn’t make me dislike the person or become angry because they think differently than me.   Just offers me an opportunity to love regardless of our differences.

Offers me an opportunity to reflect on my beliefs and lay them down beside God’s Word for a self-check.  Am I believing truth?  Or do I need to readjust my beliefs to bring them in line with where He wants them to be?  Or do I need to hold fast and tight to right where I am and fight for what I believe?!?

And to waste time on being hurt or angry because I have been singled out as having a strong belief is not the best use of my time.  But using the time to study and pray for the Holy Spirit to renew my mind so that the good and acceptable will of God is proven through me.  So, I can live transformed and be that proof in living form.

Will I allow the differences to shake me so hard that I rip out my heart and quit doing and living where I am planted?  My roots are well established and although they can easily be ripped from the ground should they be left and perhaps experience some pruning above ground or is a total transplant necessary?  Maybe a few weeds need to be pulled up and thrown out, burned, destroyed.  Cultivate the soil so those roots receive much needed nourishment.

Preparing for a great harvest.

Chewing on this today.  This week.  This moment.

Looking around to consider others.

Stopping and listening.

Desiring God to reveal what it is that is needed.

Wanting to be certain that the decisions made are according to His will.

Will you pray that very thing with me?  For us all!

They pass by with swollen bellies. Life growing within. And I remember being there. Three times I carried that growing life. I felt the pokes and prods of little hands and feet and head and knees. Not knowing at that time how the pokes and prods would be so different decades down the road.

How they grow up and away! No longer needing mama’s protection. No longer wanting mama’s protection. That life giving time oh so fleeting.

And as those young mothers pass I want to reach out and hug them. I want to tell them to cherish each moment. Like really cherish them. Even in the middle of mass chaos and frustration count each blessing. Because those moments change quickly.

Brushing long hair into ponytails becomes watching her walk down the aisle and away.

Holding hands snorkeling becomes calling only when needing something.

Sitting in the daycare parking lot with that little fellow climbing into the passenger seat beside me to eat breakfast becomes him climbing out of the passenger seat into school and how dare I even think about telling him I love him in front of friends!

And sitting, preparing for the day that will remove that life giving secret space. That precious space that held and comforted and grew three humans. Memories flood back.

And at the same time so very thankful for what was. And thankful for what will be. Because even as we walk through all the different moments of life there is a constant. And He never changes.

In tight spaces, we look for creative ways to optimally utilize the area.  Every hole filled.  Packing in as much as we possibly can.  Packed so tightly nothing else can fit.

When we are bored, we find something to occupy our time.  Looking for entertainment to fill each moment so our minds are full.  We read or watch television or exercise or illuminate our faces with a screen or eat.  Cramming as much into whatever it is we are doing to avoid boredom.

Always needing more.

Or so we think.

My office is a small space.  I sit in it for 8+ hours a day.  There are two screens staring at me for most of that time.  I have them positioned so that I can look out a window.  I need to look out that window occasionally.  I need to stretch my eyes so that the close space of my office can open up a little.

It also allows me to open my mind.  Stretching out a little more space.  Expanding beyond the confines of my tight space.  Knowing there is a little more happening in the world than what is right in front of me.  Allowing perspective to come in and shake me up when an ambulance goes by.

But not finding any way to bring him in because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and let him down through the tiles with the stretcher, into the middle of the crowd, in front of Jesus.  Seeing their faith, He said, “Friend, your sins are forgiven you.”  Luke 5:19-20 (NASB)

Making space and clearing out and looking beyond the clutter and taking time can find you at the feet of Jesus.  All that is needed!