If I had to choose one age I still see myself at it would be 40. So much happened in that year. I had to learn to live life differently that year. I had to learn to lean heavily into my Creator because He took the vessel that ushered me into this world away from me. I couldn’t lean on her anymore. That year showed me some weaknesses and some strengths about myself.
I have aged since that year. There are still days I desperately want my mama. But in those times, I remember that One who will never leave me. He is constant and steady. He never changes His mind about welcoming me. Even when I look in the mirror to see that 40 year old woman, but am surprised by a fifty something, He still wants me.
That is one conversation I would like to have with my mama. How did she internally navigate aging. I saw her to the age of 65. She changed her hair color and clothes and makeup but she didn’t let any of that define her. I think she learned in her older years to lean more on God.
There comes the realization as we age that there are some things we can’t do anything about. You cannot turn back time. There is verifiable evidence all over me! It is a well-proven fact.
So after a dozen years of knowing the importance of intentionality I am still learning the art. I have laid down the practice too many times so it becomes hard to pick it back up. But it is always there waiting on me to notice it. It wants me to prioritize the practice but I struggle. Even when I know the benefits are too numerous to count.
For this moment I will be intentional. I can’t promise you in the next five minutes that I will still be but I am now. And I know One that has always been and will forever be intentional. I will rest in that.
