Archives for May 2020

Sitting Still With Him

May 18, 2020 by bonniejmartin Leave a Comment

I don’t have it all together.

But I know the One that does.

I continually fail.

He has never failed.

Doubts and fear attempt to assail me.

He disperses all doubt and fear.

I have no control over anything.

He has complete control.

I can stir up chaos just by sitting still.

He calms it.

I am selfish.

He is selfless.

I am full of hate.

He is love.

With so many issues barraging us from all sides, sometimes we need to stop the onslaught and consider the One who created us.

For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!” Romans 8:15 (NASB)

Leaving undone those things that stirred up the anxiety in the first place and redirecting thoughts onto the important stuff. Remembering to worship God. Reading His word. Sitting still with Him. Turning to talk with Him.

Just Between You and God

May 13, 2020 by bonniejmartin Leave a Comment

Psalm 32 (NASB)

How blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered!
- The blessing is too great to imagine. Transgression that is so dark and ugly but yet forgiven. Sin that is covered. This covering is only the blood of Jesus.
How blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit!
- The blessing is too great to imagine. Lord God, in His infinite mercy and grace refuses to leave iniquity on those who have sincere faith in Him.
When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long.
- Silence about sin serves no purpose except to destroy the one that keeps it. Left unconfessed it destroys a body.
For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; my vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer. Selah.
- Conviction from God presses in with a weight that cannot be lifted in silence. Life is empty and sickly.
I acknowledged my sin to You, and my iniquity I did not hide; I said, “I will confess my transgression to the Lord”; and You forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah.
- Revealing sin to God uncovers the weight of oppressive conviction. It removes the dark blanket from a heart to make it available for God to move in and forgive. Lines of communication restored paves the way of forgiveness and the removal of guilt.
Therefore, let everyone who is godly pray to You in a time when You may be found; surely in a flood of great waters they will not reach him.
- Petitions raised in the private place of worship where only you and God enter into the sanctuary of your heart. No chaos allowed. The matter is just for the two of you.
You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble; You surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah.
- His provision of a hiding place preserves. Troubles cease in His space. His deliverance ushered in with singing.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon You.
- His instruction and teaching lead the way. He counsels while watching over you.
Do not be as the horse or as the mule which have no understanding, whose trappings include bit and bridle to hold them in check, otherwise they will not come near to you.
- Even animals need something to provide disciplined living. They understand their master and abide in trust when they submit to him.
Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but he who trusts in the Lord, lovingkindness shall surround him.
- Defying the Master brings sorrows. Trusting Him opens the flood gates of love and kindness.
Be glad in the Lord and rejoice, you righteous ones; and shout for joy, all you who are upright in heart.
- For the one that trusts in God, joy will not be withheld. Joy cannot be contained in the one who loves God. It is obvious.

Mother’s Day

May 10, 2020 by bonniejmartin Leave a Comment

She held her tongue too many times to count. She held her emotions in check as the mouth on that child dug a little deeper into the hurt planted in her heart. If only I could go back and ask her. If only I could go back and dig a little deeper into that heart to know that hurt a little better. To know her a little better. Not just her as my mother but her as a person.

She loved her family. I know this.

She loved her church family. I know this.

She loved flowers. I know this.

She loved coconut cake. I know this.

She loved the corner of a birthday cake with lots of icing. I know this.

She loved slathering bread with butter. I know this.

She loved making gifts of time for her family by crocheting. I know this.

I wonder how many of those stitches were cried in. I wonder how many were prayed in. I wonder how many were smiled in. Each stitch intertwined with thoughts of the one receiving the efforts of her time.

She loved having banana ice pops in the freezer for the next grandchild to walk through the door. She would offer and happily move to that freezer door to supply their wants. She would watch them devour even through brain freeze. She found delight in their delight.

She smiled and accepted each gift and card given. She knew the gift wasn’t in her hands but in her heart. She held those precious gifts in her heart through many joys and difficulties.

Her heart ached for the ache within the hearts of those she loved.

She was a mother for forty-six years. She was a grandmother for twenty-three years. She earned those credentials.

She lived the unspoken code of motherhood. Hers was to listen and offer words only when needed. Hers was to love unconditionally. Carrying the burdens of each child of hers in her heart the way only she could. Desiring the best for each one even when they would choose less than best for themselves on occasion. Sitting back, knowing heart-ache would come, allowing them to choose their own way. Desperately wanting to help them but knowing her help was not desired. Knowing her help was not necessarily what they needed. Experience is the best teacher.

As I sit to consider my mother, I consider my own motherhood. I realize she did the absolute best she could do. That is all I have done. She had no experience going into it. Neither did I.

It is like groping around in a dark unfamiliar space. Not quite sure where and when you will stump your toe. You will stump your toe! It hurts. Filling to overflowing with love for the little ones that coo and cry and giggle and pout and glow with joy and throw temper tantrums and grow and bring more little ones to start the cycle all over again.

Mothering is a scary, delightful, heart-wrenching, heart-filling roller-coaster ride. Breath-taking scenes unfold so quickly your mind cannot contain them all. And you have a front-row seat.