Archives for August 2018

I am sad today. No specific reason. Maybe this is what is normal for us women that have crossed the great divide of middle age. Or maybe this is just me.

Kind of a melancholy washing over me with great waves of nostalgia. Like the clouds hanging lightly dark shadowing the glorious sunrise bathing the changing sycamores this morning in a golden yellow of light. Longing for that light to touch my face with a friendly whisper reminding me of the Light.

No great theological debate over beliefs. Just knowing and resting and simple quiet reflection of Him, in Him. Sweet surrender for the One who saves me daily.

Isn’t that the place we all should stop? Gaze with wonder at the cross. Amazement over the fact He would love me with such fervency that He willingly accepted Calvary.

Can we agree to be amazed?

Can we agree to live in wonder?

Will you stop a while and gaze with your heart and mind in agreement at the cross?

Join me?

My last post asked you to join me in praying and you did.  And I hope and pray you will continue, not only for me but for all believers.  I am just one in a multitude that will struggle with situations within the context of a group of fellow believers in Jesus Christ.  And the fact that Jesus is Lord of all should allow each of us to come to a place of reconciliation and love in whatever the situation.

During this time, I have struggled with belonging.

So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, (Ephesians 2:19)

Just where do I belong?  I have attended with a different group of people several times now.  I have listened to sermons from different men.  Valid truths coming from each instance.  But the membership of my citizenship doesn’t belong with any specific group because my citizenship belongs in the “household of God.”

Let me back up a little.  I have fellowshipped with numerous congregations throughout my life, each congregation being part of the church that was formed upon the resurrection of Jesus.  Just because they gather in separate buildings does not imply or mean they are a different church.  It just so happens for twenty years I have considered one specific, very special, group of believers my family.  But I know what it is like to be in different places.  A different place does not mean a different church.  Or at least it shouldn’t.

No, I will not get into the specific differences held by the multitude of believers because that is what got me into the mess I have been in for the past month!

There is still great freedom in this nation that allows each of us to join with fellow believers to worship the one true God.  I fear we take this freedom for granted.  I am free to walk into many buildings that will open doors this morning, among others that have known all week what they would do this morning.  And most will have done the same thing for many years without thinking anything would be different about today.

I have always felt much apprehension when going into a different group of people, no matter the purpose.  Many thoughts flood my mind and cause me to be nervous and feel completely awkward.  It is a very uncomfortable place to be.  So the comfort of belonging to one place for so long has kept me right there.  But is it, was it, the best thing for me?

²⁴ And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, ²⁵ not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.  (Hebrews 10:24-25)

Yes, it was best for me during the time.  I raised my children there.  It gave me stability when I needed it.  I learned so much during that time.  I gained great friendships so that my family has increased.  But I have also grown and have been given some relief from that old apprehension that once paralyzed me.

Within the last week, I came across a series of sermons from John Piper.  They date back to 1995 but are as relevant today as they were then.  In listening or reading these messages, I discovered many things.  This space is too small to go into them all but I wanted to share the sermons with you, praying that you will listen attentively.

You may have to skip a television show or two or three.  You may have to close Facebook or Instagram or Pinterest or Twitter or whatever consumes you.  You will have to ask God for hearing and understanding.  Let me encourage you to do that.

The series name given to these messages is “The Greatest of These is Love.”  Love is not restricted and confined to one group of believers.  It crosses streets and city boundaries and counties and states and even nations.  It reaches beyond language barriers.  It soothes hurts.  It contains forgiveness.  It wipes the slate clean.  It welcomes.  It nurtures.  It corrects.  It encourages.

I pray that you will listen so that your love may increase.  I need to listen to them again because I am still seeking discernment and understanding.

Continue praying for me, as I will for you.

 

I have been struggling with some big questions lately.  They are so much bigger than anything I can answer.  They stem from some behaviors and words.  And I am left completely bewildered and confused.

First, I know Satan is having a big time with this.  He is loving the confusion he has planted in me.  Anyone who knows me, knows how crazy my hair can be.  Curly, messy, frizzy.  Lately, I feel like my brain has taken the form of my hair.  And it is a tangled mess.

I won’t go into details but suffice it to say that my world has been turned upside down.  What I have known for so long has shifted from comfort to discomfort.  A place I found sanctuary has been cut off from me.  And now I am left reeling.  I am left stricken with a pain I can’t even describe.

So, I open Proverbs.  I want to bury my face in it and devour some wisdom.  I want to seek understanding like silver and search for hidden treasures.  I am crying out for discernment.

Had my comfort zone become too comfortable?  Is there something else that is needed?  Was I keeping the place from becoming what God wants it to be?  Where do I go from here?

I will continue to seek discernment and understanding.  Will you pray with me?