Bonnie J Martin

#forsuchatimeasthis

Awake, Sleeper

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My head nods heavy. It feels like it could fall off my shoulders. I struggle to keep my eyes open. I feel a dark covering attempting to drape my eyes of all light. I can’t focus my vision. My brain is wanting to shut down. My head bobs and jerks. How embarrassing when you are sitting in church!

Have you ever been there? Be honest. I know you have done that head jerk thing where you felt like the whole congregation saw you when you bit your lip as you violently pulled your head back upright, blinking eyes hard and fast attempting to remove the grit. Then a quick silent prayer that the pastor did not see you. But then you look at him and boom, his eyes are fixed on you. Sure that your face is flushed in shame, adjusting your bottom in the seat, you straighten your back and reposition to regain consciousness.

Maybe you had one of those moments in class or at work. They always seem to come at the most inappropriate time. While you should be paying attention and sleep wants to overtake you in slumber. All you want to do is curl up and sleep.

I do that in life, too. Periods of time where I am completely oblivious to what is right in front of my face. I go through the motions of living without really living. Mindless wanderings through the days and weeks and months accomplishing nothing more than the bare minimum. Not alert to my surroundings.

There is an old abandoned dwelling on our property. The front porch is overgrown with jasmine and weeds. We gingerly approach the walkway watching for slithering creatures. We have come upon one a time or two. Always an eye opener when you see one lurking behind an old rotten board. Grabs your attention, causing alarm. Senses heighten. Creepy crawly snakes waiting to strike.

When I am walking with my head down, unaware of my surroundings, danger waits to snatch me up. Evil lurks in the places my eyes don’t see. Just because I don’t see it or am unaware of it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. In the darkness, evil hides. Waiting for me to be unaware of its presence so it can claim my oblivious self for its folly. It wants to make me its jester. It waits for me to bring great entertainment with my lack of consciousness.

Ephesians 5

14 For this reason it says, “Awake, sleeper, And arise from the dead, And Christ will shine on you.”
15 Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise,
16 making the most of your time, because the days are evil.
17 So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.
18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit,
19 speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord;
20 always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father;
21 and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

But when I sit in full sunlight, and turn my face toward it, feeling the warmth wash over me, I smell the earth. Wrapped in the goodness of warm light, aware of the Presence that provides the Light. I can walk in faith that evil has no dominion over me. My attention is given to the One that holds my safety. Thanksgiving known in the awareness of Him.

Coffee

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You will hate me for saying this.  You may decide you never want to read my stuff again.  That is okay because I need to say this.  And there is redemption.

For the third or thousandth time, starting to lose count, admission of addiction.  Doing what you don’t really want to do but being drawn into desire and giving in to it. An acceptable addiction, even glorified by decor surrounding the special place in the kitchen. Even special vessels used to take in the drug of choice.

I don’t begin to understand the scientific explanations of addiction.  But I do know the crippling effects of it.  I do know the pull.  I do know the overwhelming desire to have that which you hate but want but don’t. 

Yes.  It is confusing. 

Paul seems to start talking nonsense in Romans 7.

For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. Romans 7:15 (NASB)

If you hate what you are doing and you know it isn’t beneficial for you, why are you doing it? If I pour myself a cup of coffee or two or three every morning, knowing the only reason I really want that coffee is for the caffeine, I am addicted. Yes, I said it. Addicted to coffee. Addicted to caffeine.

Go ahead and roll your eyes. I can’t see you so it won’t bother me. Well, it might because I want approval, but that is another blog.

You fill in the blank of coffee or caffeine. Do you have something in your life that pulls you in and you really don’t want to do it? I will go ahead and admit another one. Social media scrolling. Reels. Quick bits of funny, sad, educational, inspirational, crude, scary, ridiculous time wasters, etc.

For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. Romans 7:19 (NASB)

Once I start, it is hard to lay it down. When the dark liquid hits my blood stream I feel the jolt of energy. Shifting from neutral to second. Skipping first. A little faster in second. Arriving quicker at third and fourth. Until the hum of full throttle allows me to settle into the ride at just the right speed.

And isn’t that with any addiction? Any idolatry? Anything we are using to replace the full satisfaction we have waiting for us in Christ?

For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin. Romans 7:22-25 (NASB)

That jolt allows me to focus. Focus on scripture. Yeah, give me the buzz so I can worship God. I told you that you would hate me. I turn the coffee on before I start my worship.

Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1 (NASB)

I started typing this post a week ago. Each morning, I grabbed water to sit beside my chair during my quiet time instead of coffee. Drinking water while drinking living water. I don’t need the coffee first thing. It is a gift to be able to hold that warm cup each morning. Feels good to my old hands. But I don’t want it to be the first thing I grab each day.

This is my conviction, not yours. Unless you are and then that is on you, not me. This is my confession of having an addiction to caffeine. This is my line in the sand. I no longer want to be addicted to it.

I want to fuel my day reaching for God. Settling into His rhythm. Allowing Him to be the sustainer of my energy. Not replacing His perfect provision for an incapable substitute.

So my head has pounded and all I want to do is sleep. Even have body aches that weren’t there before. Classic withdrawal symptoms. So I have increased my water intake.

This isn’t the first time I have given it up. But this older body is feeling the effects a little longer than before. I miss the warm mug. Maybe warm lemon ginger tea could warm my hands in the morning.

After I sit a while with God.

Holy Presence

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Charles Martin said it in “It Is Finished.” On Day 9, at the end of his prayer. “Please take me to Him.”

Yes, please. No other place I would rather be. But wait. I am not ready. I need to take a shower. I need to brush my teeth. Let me put on clean clothes. I need to dust my shoes off. No, I need to be barefoot before my Creator. Holy Ground. But wait, again! My feet are rough. And those words I spoke yesterday are still fresh on my tongue and are not honoring to the Most High. Let’s not even consider the thoughts I allow to run rampant through my heart, unguarded.

He sees it all. Was there in the moment of those spoken words. Resides in the core of that heart and knows the thoughts that bombard it. No amount of showering can scrub the filth off me.

Even then, He desires my presence.

Am I willing to be in His presence?

You see, I have this issue. I am not worthy to be in the presence of the King of Kings. And I am not good enough. No amount of good from me is good enough for Him. I can’t do anything to clean up my act enough to earn the honor of His presence. Nothing I do will ever be sufficient, except one thing.

Lay it all down. Look to the Cross of Christ and know that He takes all my not-good-enough and destroys it. Obliterates it. Complete annihilation of sin. I can’t do it. He can and will and does. His goodness is sufficient in my place. His action perfects the position I have before the Most High. My presence in His presence.

I am willing.

Claiming the Cross completed my conversion. Ushered me from death to life. Dead to sin and living in the grace and mercy of Christ.

I echo the prayer of Martin. “Please take me to Him.”

50/50 Shot

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I don’t know why, when created-being serpent was formed, he was allowed to wreak havoc in Eden. He didn’t get to choose the forbidden for us. He didn’t have a say in the choice that was made. He made an offer and we chose. He lied. He spoke against the very thing the Creator had warned against.

Heart racing, knowing the situation was going against the very thing we were told to avoid. Don’t do it. It will not have the consequences you expect. The consequences will be harsh. You will have to live with them for the rest of your life. One wrong choice will bring a lifetime of heartache. Blood rushing through her ears as she reached up from all the beauty and goodness God had placed in and around her and she touched darkness. She felt it and saw it and smelled it and tasted it, hearing the lies and ignoring the cry of God.

God saw it happening. He had given her free-reign to go and do whatever her heart desired. Run free. Uninhibited. No fear. No hiding. The ability to choose whatever was pleasing to her. And in that moment she chose to turn away from God. In that moment, she died to the lavishing love of her Creator.

Afraid and naked, hiding in the trees from the One who sees and knows everything, heart still racing, the consequences begin. Separation from Creator. Attempting to hide shame from the very One who told you not to do it.

We chose the forbidden over the best. Decided to take the offering, believing the lies from someone other than the One who has always provided the best options, extravagant abundance, unending grace, ceaseless mercy.

With all the love that has and will ever exist, God, looked and created and breathed life into us, into you, into me, into Adam and Eve, and decided to let us decide. Free-will. The choice to choose. Desiring relationship, perfect fellowship, dwelling in perfect harmony, united, He desired us. Wanted us to choose Him.

He offered Adam and Eve the perfect home. He lavished them with luxury. They had everything furnished for them. No striving. No struggles. No disease. No tight joints. No skin conditions. The perfect temp all the time. The most comfortable place ever.

But they thought He was holding something back from them. And He was. Death and separation. He held back the hurting and disease. He kept them from struggles. Until they wanted more than His perfect provision.

And they chose the dangling fruit touted to give wisdom. Despite their perfect position as benefactors of the Most High, they chose the path leading to strife and struggle.

Two choices. You have a 50/50 shot. Go right or go left. Go up or go down. Choose good or bad. Want the perfect temp or burning hot? Choose eternal peace or eternal turmoil. Choose fellowship or division. Choose oneness or separation. Grace or enmity. Mercy or justice.

And our choice now is no different than Eve’s. No different than Adam’s. Choose the low road where the slithering serpent slips into darkness and entices us to follow with promises of pleasure and prosperity that will lead to ruin.

Or, instead, choose the Way. He brings peace. Fellowship. Freedom. Grace. Mercy. Sanctification. Salvation. Eternal life, not eternal death. Atonement from the dividing, separating choices we make. Still desiring perfect fellowship with His creation, He gave the solution to the separation. He bridged the gap and gave a Way back from the fall.

But it is our choice. He won’t force us to choose Jesus. He lovingly holds out His hand and offers to pull us up out of the mud and muck. He offers cleansing better than any exfoliator on the market. Robes whiter than your grandmother’s sheets. He offers the fellowship that we turn away from in sin. He covers our sin with the blood of Jesus. Placing on Him every sin that has ever and will ever be confessed.

Our choice.

Humility vs Arrogance

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I make mistakes. Who wants to admit to that? It seems I make many. Not always intentional. Some from lack of self-control or disobedience. Some from ignorance. Some just blatantly ridiculous, I am left wondering how that just happened.

I discovered one this week that had been hidden in plain sight. My mind immediately wanted to blame someone else. I even searched through to find where someone else may have made the error. Surely it wasn’t me. And even if it wasn’t me, how would I let others that needed the correct version of the work know about the mistake. 

First things first, the error had to be corrected. That in itself was a chore! It took time to go back and research some events from years ago. Once done, it made a significant change. The inner wrestle of when and how to share the correction.

I felt nauseous. My head hurt. I wanted so badly to run and hide. I didn’t want to admit this mistake. I felt stupid. Embarrassed. Unworthy of having a position of trust.

Then an oversight is brought to my attention. Just kick me when I am low. The work had been done but the follow-up fell short. Again, the wrestle with how to address. 

Shaking my hurting head at this point.

Just do it.

Just right the wrong and move on.

My wrongs accumulate in my mind, even when corrected, and become reminders of my imperfection. I wear them as badges of defeat, not honor. I hold on to them tightly. They are mounded high and wide around me. Me in the center, desperately trying to tunnel my way out.

You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE. 1 Peter 5:5 NASB

Proud me didn’t want to admit anything wrong. But holding on to the wrong hurt more that admitting the mistake. Will others forgive it and move on or hold on to it and let it influence the perception of me? Not mine to decide if I have righted the wrong.

Thankful that some mistakes can be corrected. Thankful that even if other people won’t forgive, God will. Thankful for the grace He gives to me. Thankful He allows me to find that tunnel out from under all my wrongs and brings me to the foot of the cross. Thankful for the relief from the burden of mistakes through confession and correction and placing my feet on the rock.

No Separation

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For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39 (NASB)

This passage does not stand alone. No single passage from the Bible stands alone. Many passages before and many passages after. Passages leading to salvation. Passages paving The Way to eternal fellowship with God. Passages displaying the desire of the Father to provide The Way, which is His love.

To separate this passage alone would deny the very words contained therein. And so it is with those who believe. No separation for those who believe. The whole story reveals the need for a Savior and our tendency to try our own path of destruction.

Move back up the page in chapter 8.

You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. Romans 8:9 (NASB)

To receive the Spirit of God is to receive God as Creator, Christ as Savior, Holy Spirit as Teacher. Receive love. If you receive it, it can’t be taken away. If you genuinely, sincerely receive it and it is sealed in you, nothing can separate it from you. Nothing.

Sit here for a minute. Consider this. Recognizing the need for Christ. Recognizing sin in your life and the need to turn away from it. Recognizing the sin removed not by your actions but by the actions of Christ. Accepting the gift of forgiveness. 

Have you been there? Have you accepted the gift of salvation?

If you have, there is no separation for you from the love of God.

If you haven’t, will you accept the love of God? Will you drop to your knees and give yourself to Him? He created you. He knows you. He just wants you to know Him. And the only way to know Him is through the gift Christ offers to redeem you from sin. 

So there is separation. There is separation called sin. Sin separates you from the love of God. But giving it to Christ removes that separation. Accepting His redemption separates you from sin.

May I encourage you to recognize His love for you today? Will you freely accept His gift of forgiveness? Will you invite Him into your life and live wholly for Him?

If you have, share it.

Muscle Memory

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So I reprimanded the officials and said, “Why is the house of God forsaken?” Then I gathered them together and restored them to their posts. Nehemiah 13:11 (NASB)

When you think of Nehemiah, do you think about rebuilding a wall? I think about the long list of people circling together to put back into place the crumbled mortar and scattered stones and splintered wood left behind from the enemy. I also think about the workers with a trowel in one hand and a sword in the other. I think about the cupbearer of a king being held in exile but given the liberty to return home for a task much larger than himself.

But what about after the wall was restored? How do people return to a place that hasn’t been home for many years? It was hard. Habits had been abandoned. Traditions only memories. 

Athletes talk about muscle memory. Training to get into shape. Teaching the body to accept hard things. Moving to breathe. Breathing to move. Building endurance. Strengthening core muscles to support posture.

Ask them what happens when they have to stop for a period of time. When they are pulled away from what they know, from what their bodies know, former abilities may fade. Without consistent practice strength lessens. Weakness develops. The body begins to change from lack of use.

Then ask them what happens when they return to training. The first day is hard. It may feel like you have never done it before. Your lungs burn. Legs shake. Arms desperately want to drop down. The weight is too much. The second and third day may bring to the workout sore muscles that really don’t want to be attacked again.

After the initial shock, the body begins to remember. Returning to dedicated practice restores what had been lost.

What practice have you abandoned? Nehemiah had to remind the people about what had been left abandoned. They had to put back into practice what had been forsaken. Dedicated return to what mattered.

Maybe the restoration looks different than before. But maybe its sweeter. Maybe returning to what was lost brings some muscle memory that protects from straining. Returning, reconditioning, restoring.

Have you had a set-back? Has something or someone kept you from being intentional for God? What restoration project do you need to tackle to return to the post God has for you? What practice will you implement to make it happen? 

Go do it.

Realignment

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I need a shift. Stuff is consuming me and I woke way too early. Having a hard time turning off the thoughts of work and world and worry. Woes. It doesn’t take long to be bombarded with demands that try to pull your focus away from where it needs to be. And they can be good demands. But the way you treat them causes you to lose perspective. That is me.

Shoulders tight. Neck stiff. Forehead tense. Stomach in knots. Sure signs of my need to refocus.

For Ezra had set his heart to study the law of the LORD and to practice it, and to teach His statutes and ordinances in Israel. Ezra 7:10 (NASB)

A verse just like this helps. It is a simple verse but tells a big story. Ezra was not in the most ideal living situation. Far from home and removed from the land generations before him had been promised, still promised. This was his home.

He found favor with the authority of the day and was allowed to return to his homeland. But had he not set his heart on the things that mattered, would the opportunity still have existed? I don’t know.

I do know he determined to know and practice the precepts that had been given to his ancestors. He was skilled in it. An expert. Not just in his mind but in his heart. A heart expert in the law of the Lord. Determined to teach it in his homeland.

He journaled. He was a scribe. He had to write it out. I understand that. Something about writing it out brings focus.

He practiced it. I understand that too. Not practicing it is what has me stressed. I can know it but without practicing it, I am in a mess.

Ezra was a willing vessel to know and practice. He set his heart on it. He connected brain and heart. Working in tandem the vessel is able to operate more efficiently. 

Aligning my vessel this morning. Shifting my perspective. Situations haven’t changed. But my knowledge needs to be transferred down a little. It needs to hit my heart today.

How about you? Do you need a realignment? Stop and ask for one.

Don’t Hide

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Are you awake? Are you alert? Some days I can be awake but not alert. Like one eye open but the light in my brain is not on and I just don’t want to turn it on so leave me alone! Know what I mean?

Afraid I live too much of my life with only one eye open in a dimly lit space. Only concerned with what I want to be concerned about and not what is really pressing on my heart. Skipping out on things that really matter because if I get entrenched in those things I might get hurt.

So I turn the lights low and close the curtains of my room and hide away from the big scary stuff outside, unaware of how I can help. It is much easier for me that way! Far safer. And this way I don’t know what I missed!

But what do I miss? I don’t have FOMO! I really don’t mind missing out on some things. But in the security of my hiding what have I missed?

Did I miss an opportunity to share a lunch with someone? A simple meal with conversation. A listening ear offered to a hurting heart.

Did I miss a ballgame? It may not have been the game I missed. It may have been the company had in the group of spectators. It may have been the player that needed my presence. To hug her neck after the game.

Did I miss the friendship held by a local congregation of Jesus followers; the church? Did I avoid my responsibilities within that group of people? Did I miss messages my ears needed to hear? Did I miss blessings in serving others?

All because of my hiding. All because I wasn’t alert to what was necessary. Did someone need me? Did I need someone? I can’t turn back the clock.

But in moving forward, what can I offer?

No more excuses of, well, I really am not needed or wanted. Just an excuse for me to stay in hiding.

I can observe. I can be present. I can be alert to the needs of others. I can drive or walk or call or text or share or write.

I can tell you God loves you and desires your love in return. He won’t force you to love Him but desires a sincere devotion that comes through a daily relationship with Him. A relationship of praise and prayer. A relationship of studying His word for yourself and with others. A relationship that grows and becomes increasingly complete. A relationship that is sealed by His power.

We all have work to do for the kingdom of God. We can’t do that effectively if we stay in hiding!

Let’s be alert and awake to what is around us. Be attentive to what God has placed in front of you. Ask Him for guidance and discernment to know your responsibility. Then go do it.

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. “Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven. Matthew 5:14-16 (NASB)

Be Still and Know

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““Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.””
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭46‬:‭10‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

Silent night. Turned loud with angel voices.

Busy shepherds hurrying to find the barn. Not the one for their sheep but the one for their Shepherd.

Moms and dads and grands and aunts and uncles and sisters and brothers rushing and hoping that the gift is good enough. It isn’t because there is only One that is.

Wrapping presents. Furiously shopping until the very last minute to fulfill all the list. Nestle the packages under, around, on branches of the tree. Presents that will be unwrapped like the unwrapping of the Savior before He hung on that tree.

Silent night. All is calm. The moon shines bright. The stars twinkle. The earth is still.

Hold your breath. Can you hear the cry of the Baby? Not yet? Then be still. He will make Himself known.

He is exalted.

Find space for Him. Be still and know Him.