Early 2006. I am late. You know what I mean. We have two. We thought we were done. God had other plans.
I didn’t know whether to be mad or thrilled. Excited or scared. I cried for two weeks. I thought I was too old to begin again. I thought I didn’t have the energy. I didn’t think my already busy life could do this again. God thought otherwise.
Pulling into the daycare parking lot with breakfast. He unbuckles and climbs into the front seat. We share many mornings sitting in that parking lot before he goes to “school”, and I go to work with a shattered heart that wants so desperately to keep him with me. Many days it is hard to catch my breath between “school” and work. But God keeps me going and him protected.
I hold his four-year-old body as they administer anesthesia. It is just dental work. It isn’t major surgery. But this will make it easier for him. They didn’t tell me how limp his body would get. I didn’t expect him to be so lifeless. Too much on this weak heart. Sobs couldn’t stay contained. I fought them hard. I was getting good at fighting them. This was hard. But God was stronger.
I don’t remember getting a call from the school. But I remember him getting in the car from the elementary school pick-up line and telling me. A boy had a gun in the bathroom. But my boy got in the car safely. He was okay. God had him.
Running through the church yard. Playing hard like he always did. He wasn’t watching in front of him but instead looking back. When he turned around, he face-planted into a car. The car was sitting still, thankfully. But his two front permanent teeth were broken in half. He was so strong. The dentist fixed them the next day. God was there, protecting him again.
Baseball. Kayaking. Jumping on his bicycle time we unload it when camping and bringing back a crew of followers. New friends. New schools. Camping. Sadie, the black lab. Mountains. Beaches. Roller Coasters. First dance. Becoming an uncle in high school. Tacoma. Zacadoos. LRL. Amazon. Geese. Ducks. Cows. Deer. Guns. Fishing. Teasing. Laughing. Growing. Grown. God seeing us through it all.
And now. He graduates. The baby of the family. The one we didn’t expect but needed. The one God gave to make our family complete. We celebrate him this weekend. He graduates with honors. And again, my breath catches. How did my infant son become a grown man? Where did time go? How did it all happen so fast? He was just holding my hand, learning to walk. Now he will walk across a stage without me. God will be there with him.
And although he plans to stay at home for a little longer, somehow, this feels dramatic. This feels like a big deal. Like he doesn’t need me anymore. Like everything I could have done but didn’t is forever lost in time. I am left with doubts about whether I did enough. God is enough.
A new chapter begins. He gets to make his own decisions. His choice. God is there.
Wherever he goes. Whatever he does. His mama’s prayers will be right there. And God will hear. And God will always be faithful.
Praying for all the Class of 2025!
