Work

I make mistakes. Who wants to admit to that? It seems I make many. Not always intentional. Some from lack of self-control or disobedience. Some from ignorance. Some just blatantly ridiculous, I am left wondering how that just happened.

I discovered one this week that had been hidden in plain sight. My mind immediately wanted to blame someone else. I even searched through to find where someone else may have made the error. Surely it wasn’t me. And even if it wasn’t me, how would I let others that needed the correct version of the work know about the mistake.

First things first, the error had to be corrected. That in itself was a chore! It took time to go back and research some events from years ago. Once done, it made a significant change. The inner wrestle of when and how to share the correction.

I felt nauseous. My head hurt. I wanted so badly to run and hide. I didn’t want to admit this mistake. I felt stupid. Embarrassed. Unworthy of having a position of trust.

Then an oversight is brought to my attention. Just kick me when I am low. The work had been done but the follow-up fell short. Again, the wrestle with how to address.

Shaking my hurting head at this point.

Just do it.

Just right the wrong and move on.

My wrongs accumulate in my mind, even when corrected, and become reminders of my imperfection. I wear them as badges of defeat, not honor. I hold on to them tightly. They are mounded high and wide around me. Me in the center, desperately trying to tunnel my way out.

You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE. 1 Peter 5:5 NASB

Proud me didn’t want to admit anything wrong. But holding on to the wrong hurt more that admitting the mistake. Will others forgive it and move on or hold on to it and let it influence the perception of me? Not mine to decide if I have righted the wrong.

Thankful that some mistakes can be corrected. Thankful that even if other people won’t forgive, God will. Thankful for the grace He gives to me. Thankful He allows me to find that tunnel out from under all my wrongs and brings me to the foot of the cross. Thankful for the relief from the burden of mistakes through confession and correction and placing my feet on the rock.

I originally wrote this post on August 28, 2020. I needed to read it again. I needed to admit it again. Maybe you do too. The following is the unedited original version of this post. I don’t know if the original had a title, but that has been added.

A few years back, I actively participated in “church.” Yes, I placed this in quotes for a reason. You see, I was part of a body of believers (otherwise known as a congregation or “church”) and felt it was my responsibility to pick-up and do my part within that congregation. Bible studies, women’s conferences, VBS, nursery, children’s church, clean-up days, food pantry, short-term mission trips, Sunday school, finance committee. I even prepared the weekly bulletin for a little while. Whew! Sounds exhausting! Not really, just an active member within a functioning congregation.

But then life happens and boom! I am no longer participating in any congregation.

I think back to the food pantry days. We would gather one Saturday each month. Two goals of that mission were both centered around nutrition. One being the nutrition of your soul. Second being the nutrition of your body. It was early on in that mission within that congregation that I met a man who had been hurt by a congregation and wanted nothing more to do with an organized body of believers. He was convinced that the “church” was full of hypocritical people that wanted nothing more than serve their own self-interests within the confines of a comfy church pew. A social club, if you will. And he wasn’t shy about telling us exactly that!

But something brought him into that place that day. I don’t think he came searching out the same hurt he had experienced before. He wanted to test the waters. I am sure a few groceries were needed but there was more to it than just the physical food.

I think he wanted what we all want. We want to be a part of something bigger. We want to work. We want to be held accountable to one another to serve the purpose of the church. We want to see good being done and to take part in doing it. We want to help one another in our times of need. We want to have people that have our backs. We want to stand shoulder to shoulder so we have support. We want to be engaged in furthering the kingdom of God.

Or is it just me? Is it? Is it just me? Am I the only one that longs for this?

Unfortunately, people get in the way of that purpose. Hurts happen. And they come in all shapes and sizes and manners. I even stumble over myself.

The other day I mentioned well-intentioned people. They can happen. They can get in the way.

I am going to go out on a limb here. It is a long skinny limb that will most assuredly cause me to come crashing to the ground. I already know some of the thoughts and murmurs that will come about. If you think it, you may as well say it.

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near. Hebrews 10:23-25 (NASB)

Talk about responsibility! My responsibility is “to stimulate one another to love and good deeds,” to encourage. But there is something in between. Something that has been lacking in my life. Something that our current pandemic-stricken era has frowned upon. Something that I sorely miss. Something that I may have taken for granted for too long.

Assembly. How can you hold me accountable if you don’t see me? How can I hold you accountable if I don’t reach out to you and ask those hard questions? How can we serve the kingdom without some common time of visiting and worshiping and praying and studying? How do we know who is missing out on this? Are we quick to say it is up to them to get it? We are too polite to force anything on anyone. So, let them die and go to hell.

Well, now, that is a little harsh.

Is it?

How do we know if a person is truly saved from the inevitable wrath to come? God knows and perhaps it is not our place to know but it is our place to continue to share the good news of a Savior. Nothing I do will save anyone but the work completed on the cross did. It saved me. It is saving me. It continues to work in me.

Have I become that man I met many years ago? From the outside looking in, I don’t want to go sit in a pew surrounded by people that honestly don’t care whether I show up to occupy that pew or not. I don’t want to be part of a social club that only serves our own interests. I don’t want to sit with my arms crossed and lips pursed quietly while I observe others.

I don’t want to be judged until you know me. Then I want you to hold me accountable. When you know the abilities God has imparted on me, I want you to remind me. I want you to ask me why I am not doing my part in furthering the kingdom of God. And don’t be satisfied with “I don’t feel like it.”

If you are a member of a “church,” and have not been engaged, may I encourage you to seek engagement. If you are unable to find it, perhaps another congregation is necessary for you to find it. But then again, maybe it is you that should initiate something. Perhaps there is someone that needs you to take that first step and you may find a common work to do.

If you are in a close-knit family of believers that are actively working to further the kingdom of God, may I encourage you in your work. But may I also entreat you to look a little beyond yourselves. So much of the work of kingdom building happens outside the confines of a building.

And if you are like me, sitting on the sidelines. Waiting and watching. What are we waiting on? May I suggest that while we are waiting that we continue the work we know to do. That we share verses. That we encourage those around us. That we study and worship and pray. And that we find a “church” home.

Pray with me in these endeavors? That the kingdom of God will grow. That people can come together to encourage one another. That people will come together for good.

Humility vs Arrogance

Kingdom Work