Bonnie J Martin

Uncategorized

Unraveling

by Leave a Comment


He wanted to know how many t-shirts could be made from that field.  His growing mind always wondering.  Good question, I thought.  I have no clue.  But that white…
Bursting white amidst the still green foliage.  The tender purity of the contents erupting from such a sturdy stalk.  The thick, hard walls of the boll no longer able to contain the pure white begging to be seen.  So much light has been poured into that boll and that purity will not be contained any longer.
Weren’t his words bursting from a place of purity?  He doesn’t yet have the weight of the world sitting on his shoulders and mind.  A mind consumed with the current worry of the day and the day before and the day to come.  His was a simple question. 
Then Jesus again spoke to them, saying, “I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life.”  John 8:12 (NASB)
“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.  Matthew 5:14-15 (NASB)
Those bolls of white will be twisted and pulled and stretched and combined.  It has to die to get to its final purpose.  Pulled from that hard stalk so that it can go forth and be seen; be used.
Thin fibers twisted together, tightly woven for strength.
And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.  Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NASB)
But what if one of those fibers begin to unravel?  What if one of those strands break?
Sometimes the pressure becomes too much.  It overwhelms and that tightly woven cord can find one sliver of fiber unraveling.  Curling and flapping in the breeze.  Experiencing a harrowing ride in turbulence.  Blowing away from the safety of the remaining cord.  Drawing away from the security found in the tightly woven space of strength. 
But if you are flapping in the breeze, you can’t quite find your place in that t-shirt.  The fibers holding tight for their intended purpose.  Sometimes that errant strand has to be cut away.  The usefulness expended fully.  Likely to cause others to come loose.  Best for all to be cut away.
But sometimes that loose thread should be tucked back in.  Allowing the others to surround and hold tight so the unraveling subsides.  A knot tied to keep it in.  So, with future use the knot tightens to keep that one secure.
Fibers of purity woven in a tapestry of life.  Fibers woven into usefulness.  Holding tightly to keep the good form.  Moving in fluid tandem.  Realizing those fibers hold you even when you think you should be cut off.
Was his simple but complicated question stated for that very purpose?  For him to pull me back into security.  Perhaps one day he will know how many t-shirts can be produced from a field of cotton.  Perhaps one day he will know how he pulled his mama back in and tucked and tied an errant strand wanting to be cut off, but not quite expended. 

What are you doing?

by Leave a Comment


God has plans for each of us.  Paul knew that God wanted to use him to further His Kingdom.  He accepted the plan and made good on the purpose God placed in him. 

We are no different.  Sometimes we may fail to fully recognize His purpose and plan for us.  We may decide His plan is not the path we want to take and completely ignore His calling.  We may dibble-dabble in it at times and find enormous peace about doing His will only to slip away and let fear consume us.

But the calling never leaves.  It sits there waiting.  Longing for us to pick it back up to do that absolute best thing we could ever do.  Obey God.

He provides the grace and the mercy.  It all comes from Him.  There is nothing more we could need when we are in the midst of His will.  Complete sufficiency.  Beyond abundant provision.  Sweet fellowship.

But the world jumps in.  Desperately seeking to devour us, to keep us from living in the space God has for us.  Instead we find ourselves withering in that space because we listen to lies and believe them.  And begin to turn away from that space of peace.  Oh, that sacred space of peace!!!

If you have ever had it, you know it.  If you have ever had it, you want it again.  If you have ever had it, you long for it more than a big refreshing gulp of cold water in the middle of August in South Georgia.  Y’all know what I mean!!!

In Philippians 1, Paul makes the realization that to stay on in the flesh requires fruitful labor.  No different for you and me.

And then in 1 Timothy 1, he proclaims Who put him into service.  The service is not man-made, but Divinely appointed.

What are you doing?  I don’t really need to know.  But you do.

Are you living in the knowledge that the service you “do” is not your own?  Here again, I don’t need to know.  But you do.

Do you know Who placed it in you to do that which gets done every day?  And is that which gets done that which you were called to do? 

Seek Him and know that His plans for you are already appointed.  He desires your willingness to do His plans.  And there we find sweet peace.

Batter-up

by Leave a Comment

Did I hear what I think I heard?  Did he say those words that disturbed my mind and heart and soul?  Those words shook me.   And then did I just sit there and say nothing?  Even though I wanted to get up and leave and never look back. I did nothing. 

My youngest enjoys playing baseball. He is  one member of a team that had an all-day tournament yesterday. A day full of heat. Boys playing hard and adults mouthing off. What was the reason for the play?  For the boys or for the adults?

And just what is it that we as adults want to show our children?  Is it being right in making a call?  Was he safe or out?  What is more important, having your opinion affirmed or teaching kids fairness and humility?  

And just why do we cheer at a job well done while the opposing team jeers at the same thing?  Seems to me it becomes evidence of the power of good and evil. Both have an agenda and the agenda is very similar. To win. 

The ultimate goal of the game is to win. Or is it?  Is it rather to play the game in such a way as to show your opponents why it is you play?  

“Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men,”

Colossians 3:23 NASB

http://bible.com/100/col.3.23.nasb

And did I become as they in sitting back and observing all that was going on with nothing showing different in me?  What would have been the response I should have made when a mom gave evidence of disgust over a well-played move by our team?  And not ten minutes later her son, on the opposing team, was removed from the game with a possible broken bone. 

Oh, dear God in heaven, do we even realize what we do?

And what exactly had the man who set-up tents and fan and food for the team said?  Did the words he spoke line-up with the actions he had taken?  He went above and beyond to provide for the team. But those words. I really hope I heard wrong. Because I didn’t say a thing. I didn’t ask for clarification. Why didn’t I ask for clarification?  Is his church different than mine?  Is the one he worships different from the One I worship?  He talked of his church. 

I am disturbed. By me as much as the words. I did and said nothing. I sat there like some inanimate object and allowed the boys within ear-shot of those words to be influenced by the man that had provided comfort. They look up to him. He has their admiration. He has captured their attention in the provisions. 

“For the lips of an adulteress drip honey And smoother than oil is her speech; But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, Sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death, Her steps take hold of Sheol. She does not ponder the path of life; Her ways are unstable, she does not know it.”

Proverbs 5:3-6 NASB

http://bible.com/100/pro.5.3-6.nasb

I pray I heard wrong. I pray the impression I received was wrong. I pray if given another opportunity I will ask for clarification and encourage a different path. 

Will you pray for me that if I ever hear those words or anything else that disturbs so deeply that I will speak truth in the middle of the situation?  That if a person expresses desire to go to hell that I will say something. 

Anything. 

Life-giving words. 

That when an adult, who has the attention of a child, when making the dark road seem glamorous, expresses pleasures for that journey, that I will boldly speak the words necessary at that moment. 

That I will not be a coward but the warrior I rightly am through the blood of Jesus. 

And will you pray for all the boys that play hard?  That they will know the true reason for living. That they will play the game in testimony of God. 

And pray for parents. That we will boldly speak truth and life into our kids. 

And pray for that man and many others like him. For those that may go about doing what appears to be good but falls short in the execution. 

Because unless you are doing whatever it is you do for the glory of God, you (and I) are doing it in vain. 

Finding Peace

by Leave a Comment


She has this way of presenting questions that stir the soul to look below the surface.  And it doesn’t take many words.  “Are you picking up your pen?”  That’s all it took to shake me.
Peeling back layers of the unnecessary and swimming through murky waters of confusion that lie between the surface and that place where the soul finds peace.  Situations do not remove that peace, only the one that allows situations to bombard and discombobulate allows the peace to be removed.  Salvation attention deficit disorder.  SADD.
The sacred begs for attention but the world pulls and tugs and grabs the face to look away from the holy.  The neck muscles strain.  Peripheral vision can only reach so far.  To have the greedy hands of the world removed from the face so holy can be gazed upon straight on is where liberty is found.  Peace is found.  An unobstructed view of holy.
Too much exposure to the world binds and enslaves.  A vice-grip constricts and confines.  Chains drag heavy and burdensome.  Because the view of the holy becomes marred in allowing those greedy hands to steal the show.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.  Matthew 5:8 (NASB)
The longing of the heart.  The heart cry.
As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for You, O God.  My soul thirsts for God, for the living God; when shall I come and appear before God?  My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all day long, “Where is your God?”  These things I remember and I pour out my soul within me.  For I used to go along with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God, with the voice of joy and thanksgiving, a multitude keeping festival.  Psalm 42:1-4 (NASB)
The greedy hands of the world only hold as long as allowed.  Understanding the diagnosis of salvation attention deficit disorder is the beginning of recognizing the need to refocus perspective.  Shifting the gaze back to the holy and finding the precious gift of peace.
The greedy hands fall away.  The murky clears.  Organization in chaos.  No better muscle relaxer.  Son-block!  Perfect rest.  Perfect peace.  Thanksgiving.

My Mother’s Day

by Leave a Comment

Today I have no tears for her.  I have complete confidence and assurance that she is experiencing a rest so great that all I can think is how selfish it would be of me to want her back.  It doesn’t make me miss her any less but she is where she should be.  And I am just thankful for the time I had her here.  She was my mama!  So Happy Mother’s Day in heaven!

But there are three reasons that made me mama.  Such precious gifts from God. Such enormous responsibility.  Such wonderful memories.

She came around 10:20 on a Tuesday morning.  Summertime heat!  Full of personality from day one.  Her hair should have been the clue that this one would be bold.  From two years old she became a teacher.  Correcting classmates on the proper pronunciation of “green.”  “Ms. Sarah,” she said, “it’s not ‘gween,’  it’s ‘green.’”  Okay, then.  Make no mistake, she chose the right profession.  She had her daddy wrapped around her little finger from the first moment he saw her. Smitten!  And this mama has had a front row seat in watching this young woman twirl and dance and love and work and serve God.  Thanking God for her!

He had a mind of his own from the beginning.  No matter how much planning his daddy and I tried to do for him, he just wouldn’t have it.  The morning after two accounting finals in my senior year of college, he decided to come at 8:32 with the doctor fresh from the shower.  She had literally been there 20 minutes. Dripping hair.  No time to do anything but deliver the little impatient red-head. He was the only grandchild that my mama witnessed being born.  I will never forget the concern on her face for me.  I think the realization of what her daughters experienced on the previous three grands and her very own experiences all flooded back in that quick delivery.  A lot of memories in 20 minutes!

He made his presence known wherever we went.  Quiet and loud all at the same time.  Only a few people could claim his devotion as a child.  But this one would hold my hand as we snorkeled.  And now he is in college, taking accounting classes.  I watch with amazement and wonder at what God will do in his life. Thanking God for him!

And we thought we were done.  God had other things in mind.  Compassionate God gives compassionate gifts.  My gentle giant of a boy.  Age definitely makes a difference for a mama!  He was an early afternoon delivery.  A little bigger than the first two.  What a complete surprise was he!  The difference of personalities between the three is amazing.  Similar to his sister in some ways but similar to his brother in others and yet completely different than both.  He would stay underneath his daddy 24/7 if he could.  He will go kayaking with me.  But let daddy say let’s go and he is gone.  His daddy’s sense of humor, his sister’s compassion for others, his brother’s little brother, his mama’s apple-cheeked, freckle-faced son.  Thanking God for him!

So missing my mama but thanking God for her.  But today, I get to be mama. Today, I get to thank Him for the three He blessed me with.  I get to thank Him for being in control because this mama can’t be mama without Him.  Happy Mother’s Day to me.  And you.

Moving on

by Leave a Comment

Wrapping up nearly a decade.  Can you loan me a box or storage unit to hold everything from the past ten years?  A life-changing mission trip.  Watching cancer devour my mother.  Knowing what courage is to speak in front of people, boldly.  The first child’s high school graduation.  The first child’s college graduation.  The first child’s marriage.  The second child’s high school graduation.  The third child’s lifetime.  My man by my side the whole time enduring me!  A job.  Not just a job, a friend-maker.
It comes to an end today.  The job, that is.  This chapter is closing.  Some things I want to remember.  Others, not so much. 
I will make that final presentation today.  I will close the door of this chapter and say farewells.  But I am leaving some stuff undone.  I don’t remember having this feeling upon leaving other jobs.  Most certainly peace I can’t describe but deep concern for the continuance of what I am leaving; for who I am leaving.  They have become family.

So farewell.  You have left a permanent mark on my life.  I am leaving better than when I started.  Thank you for the last ten years.  My continued prayers and thoughts will remain with you.

New Opportunities

by Leave a Comment

What do you see in opportunities?  Do you see dread?  Facing an unknown situation with unknown people and unknown circumstances.  Something feels comfortable about the familiar. To be able to settle down in the well-worn chair and continue doing what has been done over and over provides security and safety from the unknown. 

But none of us knows what tomorrow holds. 

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
Matthew 6:34 NKJV
http://bible.com/114/mat.6.34.nkjv

So is the safety and security truly found in that comfy old chair?  What did He say right before?

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”
Matthew 6:33 NKJV
http://bible.com/114/mat.6.33.nkjv

Oh, yeah, that Kingdom. That Kingdom spared from insecurity by the One  laid in a borrowed tomb after being beaten and crucified. His blood shed so cleansing and safety from an eternal hell could be known. Ah!  That is where true security is found. Not in the mundane chores of daily living but in the miraculous sacrifice made by Jesus. Offered by His Father. That sacrifice that rips and shreds sin to death. Victory over sin. Yes. That is safety. 

And moving out of the tomb brought the promise of my resurrection. Because to stay in that tomb would bring victory to death. And OH, NO!  Death has no victory. 

Time spent in the tomb made preparations for tomorrow. Experiential knowledge preparing the way for new life. Springing up from the grave in victorious resolution. 

“And behold, there was a great earthquake; for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat on it.”
Matthew 28:2 NKJV
http://bible.com/114/mat.28.2.nkjv

No better time to realize the need for a good shaking. A good bouncing to stir things up a bit. Sifting away what is no longer needed to reveal the abundance that remains. Resurrected life. New opportunities. 

Don’t sit in that comfy chair and wait for them to find you. Go seeking!  Like all the eggs that will be found this very weekend!  Find the opportunities in front of you. 

Spiritual Gifts

by Leave a Comment

The pastor asked for each member to complete a spiritual gifts survey.  Simple questions that lead to an analysis of the characteristics one may possess.  Questions require honest answers.  Honest answers require a deep reflection of the heart and mind and not just a precursory glance at how you may feel at the moment.  This survey reveals where you may need to seek service in the kingdom of God.

But what of it?  Once it is completed and those characteristics are revealed, did you already know what you possess?  Do you own what you possess?  Is it to be kept hidden on the back page, folded up and stored in your bedside table?  Did I say “hidden?”

In Paul’s letters to Timothy, he gives instructions for the church; the kingdom of God.  He doesn’t necessarily list out these characteristics of service for the full body of believers.  Although he makes it clear that the work of the body is to be carried out in genuine sincerity, integrity, compassion and love.

Can the characteristics of an active member of a congregation be kept hidden and really be active?  Is there the necessity of accountability for each believer that brings encouragement to participate fully in the kingdom according to each one’s spiritual gifts?

I am guilty of hiding!  I am the one that needs the encouragement to carry out the work of the gifts for which I possess.  Because accountability is hard.  I don’t like being told what to do.  I don’t want this graph to tell me what I should or should not be doing.  Because quite honestly, knowledge is something I fiercely lack on the best day.  But there is a desire to have it.  There is a desire to gulp in as much as I can.

Who can teach without knowledge, right?

Ugh!

This is hard.

Why is it easier to admit to possessing administration rather than knowledge?  I can organize stuff and put things in order.  Even that is hard to say.  But you need to know because you need to hold me accountable to this quite telling graph.

***It is so telling that I just had to go pour more coffee just to get away from it.***

Will you share yours?  Can we all hold each other accountable so that the body functions properly?  When I don’t eat right and exercise and stay in the Word, I don’t function right.  The practice of discipline brings balance and order.  And I like balance and order.  I work better with it.

So, there you go.  My vulnerability for the day.  All laid out for you to see.  So now you know I may not have much mercy or hospitality or even apostleship.  But I love organizing and growing in knowledge and sharing that knowledge with others.

Will you share yours?  Let’s hold each other accountable.  I imagine yours looks very different from mine.

by Leave a Comment

The fear of the Lord is not a dreaded emotion of terror rather a righteous respect of the awesome wrath of the jealous God. An all-consuming love for the Creator which brings constant awareness of proper perspective. Understanding that His love far surpasses any experiential knowledge held of the verb. Knowing that humans are humans and incapable of meeting, fulfilling or satisfying the only love provided by The One Who Created.

https://bonniejmartin.com/2016/12/21/38/

My Strength Comes from the Lord

by Leave a Comment

Waiting. Waiting for the doctor. Waiting for results from the hole poked in my chest.  Waiting to know what will be my next course of action. Will the results change what will be happening over the future of me?  Will I still run with endurance the race set before me?  Or will I collapse into a heap of senselessness?
I waited with my mama almost six years ago. Waited on results from holes poked in her body and bones. How did she face it?  I sat in the room with her. Did she hold in emotion for the protection of her child?  She faced it with a brave face and determined her course of action because of her family. She decided the option that gave hope of a little more time with family.  Hers became fatal. 
But this one is mine. And I have kept quiet about it for the most part.  
I don’t want attention directed at me. I just might be a complete failure and really don’t want to let you down. Because falling into a senseless heap goes against everything I know!  It doesn’t represent the strength I have because of the One that placed it in me because of my weakness. 
Oh for grace!  Blessed mercy I don’t deserve!  Healing and health that happens everyday to my mind and heart and soul and body. 
This hole in my chest was determined to be needed just before my much anticipated half-marathon.  So I ran thinking my running would end that day.  How can you continuing running with something dreaded hanging over your head? How do you even continue at all?


I have a young friend that is a courageous man. His brain is bringing about physical challenges that should hold him down and make him want to crumple into a senseless heap. But he doesn’t. He has a testimony to live out loud. He shares his condition and learns all he can so he can help the next person. He knows he is in the Hand of God and welcomes the opportunity to share what God is doing in and through him. God shows His strength through this young man. And many stand in awe of God’s handiwork with this beautiful person. It is a marvelous sight!
So my waiting ends.  The doctor enters with a different face than what I had seen prior to this hole being poked in me. His eyes reflect the news he has. And I begin to think of him and how he has to give good and bad. But he delivers good  to me. 
What praise is adequate to offer the King of Kings?  And I just hope and pray I could say the same exact thing if the news had been different. But for today He offered me one more chance to live without  cancer. 
So instead of staying silent any longer, the words of my daddy ring in my head, “Has God chose you to be tested before all people in your life.”  Life worth living is bound to show our failures. Isn’t that the point of this clicking of thoughts? So that all of life is pointed to a Redeemer?  This vapor of life is not our own but lived for our Creator. Regardless of worldly diagnosis. Sin is the world’s diagnosis. Forgiveness is God’s gift to the world. But a gift must be accepted!  I pray you have accepted His gift for you.  In accepting His gift, there is hope.