I am sad today. No specific reason. Maybe this is what is normal for us women that have crossed the great divide of middle age. Or maybe this is just me. Kind of a melancholy washing over me with great waves of nostalgia. Like the clouds hanging lightly dark shadowing the glorious sunrise bathing the changing sycamores this morning in a golden yellow of light. Longing for that light to touch my face with a friendly whisper reminding me of the Light. No great theological debate over beliefs. Just knowing and resting and simple quiet reflection of Him, in Him.…
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My last post asked you to join me in praying and you did. And I hope and pray you will continue, not only for me but for all believers. I am just one in a multitude that will struggle with situations within the context of a group of fellow believers in Jesus Christ. And the fact that Jesus is Lord of all should allow each of us to come to a place of reconciliation and love in whatever the situation. During this time, I have struggled with belonging. So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are…
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I have been struggling with some big questions lately. They are so much bigger than anything I can answer. They stem from some behaviors and words. And I am left completely bewildered and confused. First, I know Satan is having a big time with this. He is loving the confusion he has planted in me. Anyone who knows me, knows how crazy my hair can be. Curly, messy, frizzy. Lately, I feel like my brain has taken the form of my hair. And it is a tangled mess. I won’t go into details but suffice it to say that my…
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Bound around my waist, in the center of my body, a belt squeezes me tight. No room to shift around under this belt. It has a sure hold. The grip is undeniable. Although, my waist wants to push it off and become flabby with exorbitant delicacies that belt holds tight. It is a certain length and cannot be added to. I have found that it is actually much shorter than I once thought. That belt points up to my chest where a protective covering sits. This covering protects my heart. The lifeblood that pours through me is filtered underneath this…
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It is sad. This chair I am sitting in. It has some pretty ugly scars. It is still incredibly comfortable. I can prop my feet up on the ottoman or pull my legs up in the chair with me. It is even big enough for me to lay on my side and catch a short nap. At one time the fabric was my favorite. I still enjoy the colors. I still enjoy having this chair. But it is unsightly now. I am not really sure if the quality of the fabric was not durable enough for the beatings we have…
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She has always seen me differently than I see myself. She looks through eyes of love and forgives my imperfections. She knows they are there but doesn’t get bogged down in the trivial. Her hugs are all encompassing. She wraps her long arms around me and doesn’t hold anything back. She isn’t shy about displaying how she feels. She has hugged me all my life. There is a picture of her and me. I was just a baby. They had put a wig on my head that made me look like a little Native American with long dark braids. But…
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Haven’t I been guilty of the very same thing? Singling out those that may disagree with me and knowing they oppose my thoughts. It doesn’t make me dislike the person or become angry because they think differently than me. Just offers me an opportunity to love regardless of our differences. Offers me an opportunity to reflect on my beliefs and lay them down beside God’s Word for a self-check. Am I believing truth? Or do I need to readjust my beliefs to bring them in line with where He wants them to be? Or do I need to hold…
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They pass by with swollen bellies. Life growing within. And I remember being there. Three times I carried that growing life. I felt the pokes and prods of little hands and feet and head and knees. Not knowing at that time how the pokes and prods would be so different decades down the road. How they grow up and away! No longer needing mama’s protection. No longer wanting mama’s protection. That life giving time oh so fleeting. And as those young mothers pass I want to reach out and hug them. I want to tell them to cherish each moment.…
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The manual focus setting on my camera rarely gets used. I just don’t trust my eyes to capture a clear photo. As I have gotten a little more mature (clearing my throat saying older!) my vision just isn’t as clear as it used to be, even with corrective lenses. So that automatic focusing comes in handy. But it doesn’t push me to excellence. Lately, I have struggled to truly focus on what really matters. Life seems to roll on at an ever-maddening pace and drags me along. Bumps and bruises and ugly gashes scar me up from being bounced…
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In tight spaces, we look for creative ways to optimally utilize the area. Every hole filled. Packing in as much as we possibly can. Packed so tightly nothing else can fit. When we are bored, we find something to occupy our time. Looking for entertainment to fill each moment so our minds are full. We read or watch television or exercise or illuminate our faces with a screen or eat. Cramming as much into whatever it is we are doing to avoid boredom. Always needing more. Or so we think. My office is a small space. I sit in it…